lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
