Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
