the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
