hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
