thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
