Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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