How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
