My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
