It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish you could order shots online.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
