I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
