Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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