We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
