He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
