I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So much rum. So many feels.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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