I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
