You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
