walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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