at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
