Jerry, you need to find god
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
