"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
