How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
