All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
