OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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