I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
soo... how was my night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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