This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
