You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He better not be in your backpack
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
