I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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