Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
