This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
