the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
