Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
