I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
