There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
