Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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