He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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