You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
