i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
