a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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