I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
