found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
