i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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