dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
