I CAN MOONWALK!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
