I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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