I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
