you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
