dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
