White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
