My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
