i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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