So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
