i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
